An Open Letter to the Respectable Public:
Lately I’ve noticed a few more of your longer-than-necessary glances in our direction when I’m out with my son, Henry. I’d like to say that it’s his magnetic smile and attractive wardrobe, but I’m afraid that’s not always the reason. It seems that my son’s sensory behavior has been capturing a bit more of your attention than it used to. For instance, you look slightly puzzled when he lays down on the booth in restaurants, concerned when he clings to me with his head buried in my neck during fireworks, uncomfortable when he can’t respond to, “What’s your name?” Unfortunately, I don’t often have the time, energy, or relationship to explain to you that he doesn’t like the way his back feels when he sits, that the noise of Independence Day probably makes his head feel like it’s going to explode, and that his tongue and lips don’t often cooperate with his brain.
Perhaps it’s becoming more obvious that something in particular is going on with Henry since he’s looking older these days. No longer a mischievous and understandably crabby toddler, but a tall, almost 3 year old boy headed to…preschool?
Frankly, I myself am a woman who deep down prefers to be admired and understood, heck, ignored rather than critiqued, so this is understandably unpleasant. You see, good people of the public who perhaps wisely raise an eyebrow at me, the mother who can’t or hasn’t or doesn’t care to teach her child proper manners, I’ve got a great narrative to share if you let me explain. I could tell you about the swell of my heart to the point of stretching and breaking that happens darn near every mealtime, bath time, car ride, and bedtime. I could tell you about how many referrals, doctors, tests, and insurance journeys I’ve traveled barefoot and thirsty. I could tell you about fears and worries and missed appointments and missed milestones. I’ve got a really good story.
So while part of me wants to explain all this so you won’t judge or hide out at home so you won’t notice, instead I’ll try to focus on us. And the way his father and sister cheer and jump up and down when he eats one bite of hot dog or gets a word just right. And the way he responds to praise, parading like a peacock when he successfully completes a puzzle. And the way that the struggles have brought us all nearer in spirit to each other and to those who love us.
So, upright citizens, it actually isn’t that significant or important to me that you understand this, but my kid’s not misbehaving. He’s doing his best to figure out this world and sometimes it seems like I’m right there with him. I’ve got a really good story because it’s both an adventure and a love story. And, as I’m sure you know, all that matters for a good ending is that the main characters never give up on each other.
Yours truly, Mom
SALLY works in California politics and lives with her husband and two young children. She writes about the good and the bad as her family loves and learns on HenryInParticular.blogspot.com. Her hope is that other parents of kids with Sensory Processing Disorder will feel known as they read her writings while sharing in the tenderness and laughter of the journey. Sally also enjoys fashion, food, and all things California.
Thank you for your insightful description of everyday life. Here, I thought I was the only one with a child that would scream throughout an entire grocery trip with constant stares and whispers behind me. I have twin 3 1/2 year old boys with sensory processing disorder, unfortunately they manifest in two completely different ways. I really appreciate your blog. It expressed exactly how I feel most days, so thank you for putting it so eliquently.
I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth! I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter who also has SPD and you couldn’t have explained it any better. Thanks for writing this article and sharing it with others.
Thank you for that wonderful story. My child is also 3 with SPD and we often struggle with the same things as well. It was very encouraging to read your story.